Can the Law of Attraction help you find the right partner?
Focusing on what you want in a relationship to manifest that dream… mambo jambo pseudoscience or wisdom that can help you fulfil your relationship goals?
Admittedly, although perhaps not consciously, some of the matchmaking agency’s strategies to help people find love subscribe to the law of attraction. But is law of attraction actually helpful to find the right partner?
The law of attraction comes from the New Thought Philosophy, that we are creating our own reality with positive or negative thoughts manifesting into respective positive or negative experiences. Whilst the law of attraction has no scientific basis, it is widely accepted wisdom.
Below are three law of attraction strategies that we use successfully with our clients. Outlined for your scrutiny and/or your personal tool kit…
1 - What you want versus what you don’t want
As matchmakers, we consult with single people daily to help them find love. When asking the question “what are you looking for in a relationship?”, we often hear people telling us what they don’t want.
“I don’t want to be in another relationship with someone who is introverted” “I don’t get along well with arrogant people” “No more narcissists”
According to the law of attraction focusing on things you don’t want is likely to attract those very things. Is there truth in this? It’s probably not that simple, but in our work, we absolutely try to shift the focus towards what you really want. We do this because the focus on what you are avoiding is probably based on fear. Opening up to an unknown future, naturally brings forth fears of the past. This could be your relationship block. There is something that needs to be processed, accepted, resolved so that you can focus on and get what you want.
2 – Helpful responses to negative beliefs
Worries about what you don’t want in a relationship could come from a core negative belief, such as “I am not worthy (of the love that I dream of)”, “I will be abandoned” or “I cannot rely on others”, for example. This negative belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: whilst the belief may be a false expectation, it is manifested because we act in ways that lead to its fruition. There is science supporting self-fulling prophecy as a sociopsychological construct however, it does haves its loopholes.
When our clients have negative or limiting beliefs, we create awareness around how this leads to unhelpful thinking patterns and unhelpful behaviours, which usually result in the opposite of what we truly want. Through dissecting and creating awareness around these patterns, our clients can notice when they are in a pattern and practise taking the most helpful action towards that they truly need - as is common in cognitive behavioural coaching or acceptance and commitment therapy.
3 – Visualising the dream
There is scientific support for visualisation leading to manifestation. Every company has a vision. It’s common to visualise a goal in self-development. We even recommend that couples to have a vision for their relationship. When you visualise something the same brain areas ‘light up’ as when you are actually doing that thing. Visualisation is great practice.
Visualising the dream makes it more real and therefore more accessible as we create the paths towards it. In our matchmaking and coaching programmes, we guide our clients through a visualisation of the relationship they dream of as a first step to finding love.
We do visualisation for the following reasons:
- To understand what you want in a relationship, the dream (not the fear)
- To project attention, energy and action towards making that dream come true
- To make this dream more real and accessible.
- To teach the body what it feels like to be in that dream so that you recognise it when it shows up.
Many people we interview have not really experienced the relationship that they dream of. If there is no template of the ideal relationship in your body, how are you going to recognise it when it shows up? People often have templates of what they don’t want, and since you are drawn to what is familiar, you might be attracted to your old patterns, falling into familiar traps. Visualising the relationship you dream of, could teach your body a template of a healthy relationship so that it becomes a bit more familiar, you recognise it, and you might find it attractive (rather than boring – as can sometimes be the case).
Science, pseudoscience or wisdom? You decide. All we can say that is that these strategies which are in fact borrowed from positive psychology, cognitive behavourial therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy, works wonders for our clients. Try this visualisation to manifest the relationship that you dream of.