What are values and why are they important in a relationship?

We at Relate want to help you find a partner that you can feel good about, laugh in large numbers and stick together through life. For it to become a reality, we first need to become a little philosophical.

It may sound like a cliché but a good relationship always starts with oneself. Just like the cat told Alice in Wonderland, you have to know what you want to be able to make meaningful choices. Especially when dating apps today expose us to more alternative partners in a month than many people have historically seen in a lifetime.

Here, "slow dating" and values become fantastic tools when we look at the research behind relationship building and couples who have fewer conflicts and without much effort contribute to each other's well-being.

All people have values, whether you are aware of them or not. Our values can be described as our inner compass or simply strategies for choosing what makes us happy, gives us energy and meaning.

"If you do not know where you are going, it does not matter which way you take" - Alice in Wonderland

There are many scientific studies that show that people who have a greater clarity about their personal values can more easily make choices that give them a feeling of being satisfied and happy. In the same way that individuals who do not know what they value more often feel divided, anxious and restless.

Relationship experts agree (which is rarely the case!) That the more values you share, the greater the likelihood that you will get along, have fun and that the relationship will last.

"Shared values are the Holy Grail of successful romantic relationships," says Dr. Peter Pearson, one of the world's foremost relationship researchers from the United States.

** Why values? **

1. Your compass to find the right partner for you: Research shows that couples with common core values last longer and have an easier time understanding each other. Makes sense! It will be easier to live together if you want to live a similar type of life.

2. Helps you understand yourself: Keeping track of your values is not only good when it comes to relationships with other people. It is also good for yourself as you gain a greater understanding of how you want to live and what is important to you.

3. Leads to deeper contact and conversation: With values in focus, you get past the cold talk faster and it will be easier to feel if you click with another person. Conversations about values can also be inspiring and even personally developing by broadening our own perspective on what is important in life.

** Why should we have the same values? **

A common set of values reduces the number of conflicts, makes it easier to make joint decisions, and can even help each other live more in line with their values, which in turn creates a higher level of individual well-being. If both value health highly, they are more likely to want to exercise and cook healthy food together. An interest in sustainability can unite and simplify life choices, or want to support each other in one's search for more knowledge, creativity or adventure. Another example: Let's say that one person in a relationship values security, tradition and stability, while the other's most important values are variety, challenge and excitement. This situation can pose a greater challenge if a couple intends to live together in the long run. Of course, this is not impossible, but a lot of research on relationships shows that many common values create much better conditions for sticking together in the long run.

Research has actually shown that just by clarifying our values for ourselves, our well-being increases. It can give a stronger sense of clarity and direction in life. So if nothing else - do it for yourself!